The Real Motherhood Series – Volume One – Carlyn’s Story

In the weeks leading up to Mother’s Day, I’m going to be sharing stories of real motherhood, from real mums. Customers and fans of Rosarts who are also mums, just like me. Some work from home, some stay home with their kids, some in full time employment, others part time etc…the full range. I’m all about celebrating the little stories that make our lives unique, so in this mini-series of blogs, we’re going to hear from some amazing mums, sharing their stories of real, everyday motherhood. First up, it’s Carlyn’s story.


Carlyn and Jacob


“My heart is bursting with love and pride for my boy.  I could not function without him in my life.”


No-one told me that once I became a mother 90% of my time would be spent worrying or feeling guilty.  I’m fighting a constant battle in my head:

“is he eating enough?” …”should I be worried about that temper?” …. “why isn’t he out of nappies at night yet?”…. “oh God, I have to be in work early…will he feel neglected?”… “do I spend too much time at work?”….”OH MY GOD HE SNEEZED, HE HAS SOME DREADFUL DISEASE!”

It’s exhausting.  That basically sums it up for me.  Being a Mum is exhausting.  It’s the hardest, most stressful thing in the world – but also the most wonderfully rewarding – it’s no wonder my brain explodes regularly!

I have to admit I struggled the first few months of motherhood.  I’d waited a long time for my baby and I was so very happy to have him, but no matter how much people warn you “it’ll change your life, things will never be the same”, you don’t fully understand it until it happens.  Both Jacob and me cried a lot.

I beat myself up about the mother I thought I should be.  Why won’t these bastard boobs produce enough milk to fill my baby up?  Finally these great heaving monstrosities have an actual use and they can’t step up.  I’ve failed.

Why does he cry every time I put him down, what is wrong with him?  What am I doing wrong?

Why won’t he sleep longer than 30 minutes at a time? What am I doing wrong?

How am I supposed to cook/clean/wash when he won’t give me a bastard minute’s peace? What am I doing wrong?


If I could go back and have a word with myself I would give myself a shake and say “chill out luv, you’re not doing anything wrong!  Enjoy the cuddles and forget about the rest for now – it’ll all work out”.

 


I know that all sounds like I’m a right misery, moaning and complaining and, well I am!  But you go through all of that and feel all those things and you just get on with it because you made that little human and you have never known love like it.

And, although you haven’t got dressed in five months, your hair has matted and you have forgotten how to apply make up – you would not give him up for the world.  He’s actually quite amusing, he loves me no matter how I look. He laughs at my jokes, he cuddles me and tells me he loves me, and I can’t actually believe I am half responsible for creating such an amazingly wonderful human.

 

A few things I’ve come to accept since becoming a mum:

 

  1. No matter how careful I am in getting ready, I will never leave the house without snot/food/dribble/sick smeared somewhere upon my person.
  2. I will pretty much never get anywhere on time – always add an “ish” to the time you have agreed to meet.
  3. My bags have got bigger; I now carry a Mary Poppins bag so that I am prepared for every toddler eventuality.
  4. My toddler will always create a situation I am not prepared for, making my Mary Poppins bag pretty useless.
  5. Conversations with David are mainly spent discussing how big Jacob’s last poo was, how he slept the night before, & arguing about who is more tired (it’s me, I’m more tired).
  6. Sneezing/laughing/exercise can have dire consequences.
  7. Jacob does not give two hoots if I drank too much wine the night before, cars need rolling along the floor and tracks need building first thing in the morning.
  8. Spending hours lovingly preparing a meal gets you no thanks.  They don’t like it and they won’t eat it and will act like you’ve poisoned them if you insist some goes in their mouth.
  9. Half eaten apples will be found in every room, for years probably.
  10. My heart is bursting with love and pride for my boy.  I could not function without him in my life.

 


 

Please share Carlyn’s story if it has struck any chords with you. How did you find becoming a mum? Let us know in the box below or over on social media – we’re on Facebook!

 

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Rosarts
Rosarts
Head Honcho, Tea Aficionado.

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